It has been a few years now, every child’s favourite green grinning ogre may be due to rear his flawed character once more onto the big screen, or even worse a Netflix animated series. Here are some survival tips to weather the Scottish accented horror that is SHREK.
TIP NUMBER 1:
Re-watch the first film, just to refresh yourself on how outdated it is since the last time you watched it. Be sure to remember all your favourite jokes: “Ogres are like onions”, “Pick number three m’lord”, “Do you know the muffin man?”. After finishing the monstrous movie, remember to get those unforgettable songs out of your head by singing them loud and proud around friends, family and colleagues. This shows the world that you have been unmoved by the ogres advances. You will not be swayed! No matter how handsome, charismatic or sophisticated the Dreamworks make that ogre!
TIP NUMBER 2:
Paint yourself green.
To really get into the mind and essence of what it is to be Shrek, remake yourself into the hulking, masculine creature of Shrek. Have a mud bath, light candles made from your earwax and relax in your swamp free from fairytale creatures. Its what Shrek was all about, and what you should be about.
TIP NUMBER 3:
Binge the movies all in one go… again.
You definitely missed something the first time you watched them, so rewind those tapes to the beginning and press play on this flawed yet charming character. Rediscover the strange fixation you have on human Shrek, and secretly think: “Human Shrek is kinda hot. I wouldn’t mind him playing with my fairytale creatures.”
TIP NUMBER 4:
Realise, Shrek ain’t that bad. In fact it’s comedy gold. Entertainment at its finest. Run out to the streets and tell all that will listen. SHREK IF YOU’RE OUT THERE, I CAN GIVE YOU THE GREEN BABIES YOU DESERVE! YOU ARE THE SAVIOUR SHREK, THE ONE TRUE SHREK!